Homekoming

My flight to Canada is finally booked after an interesting ordeal. Last Thursday, while I was getting my 6th dixie thimble cup of coffee, my school manager asked me, "So, have you booked your plane ticket yet?"

*PHHHHffffttttttttttt* (me doing a Jack Tripper spit-take)

With coffee drenched lips, I sputtered, "W-what??"

"You know, your plane ticket to Kanada?" she said (She accents the first letter, thus the capital 'K').

"I thought you guys were taking care of it?!?"

She stared back at me blankly. No sound. This is so not good I thought.

"Well, I guess I can look online..." I said just as the school bell went off, thus abruptly ending the conversation. I taught my remaining classes for the day, though I was preoccupied with my stunted exodus from Korea.

Fortunately, my friend & co-worker knew somebody who works at a travel agency. I asked her... begged her...to use this resource. What a pal she was. The very next day she had it sorted. Her friend found a round-trip ticket for 1.9 million won ($2,130 Cdn). The reason for the high cost was because: a) the short notice; and b) many Korean students are returning to Kanada to study.

No problem. The school's paying for it.

But alas, when I presented this to my manager, she nearly did a spit-take. "W-what?? That's too much!!"

I gave her the reasons and then she asked me if I could go later in the week such as Sept. 3rd or 4th instead of the 1st and still come back on the 15th, thus cutting my vacation time shorter. The rationale was that it's cheaper to fly on weekdays. I tactfully and gracefully explained the need for the full two weeks and wanting to go by the 1st.

Somehow it worked.

Yesterday, I was presented with my plane booking. *PHEW* was the big sigh of relief. I am now leaving the morning of Aug. 30th. It's Busan-to-Tokyo-to-Detroit-to-Toronto. Through the magic of time travel, I will arrive in Toronto on the same day: Aug. 30th at 7pm.

I go back to Korea on Sept. 15th.

So after all this turmoil, I got my plane ticket and an extra couple of days than originally planned. Nice. But for my fellow teachers, they must now cover 12 days instead of 10 thanks to my school's logistical prowess. Sorry guys.

Well Kanada, here I come!

Married vs. Single

The children in my school have to write daily diaries to practice their English writing skills. On Friday I asked my different classes to write about the pros and cons of being married or the pros and cons of being single. What I got back was very interesting, particularly the roles of men and women in a Korean marriage. Archie & Edith Bunker comes to mind when you see the comments. Here, for your reading pleasure, is the uncorrected English of what children (aged 12-15) think about marriage and being single.

FYI, I've noted 'M' for male student and 'F' for female student.

Marriage (Pros)
- You generate you and your husbands baby. (F)
- I can have my sons or daughter. (M) *Note: 'sons' is plural and 'daughter' is singular...hmnn, interesting.
- When I finish my work and arrive at home, they welcome to me. (M)
- If I'm dead, my husband and sons and daughters preparing my funeral. (F)
- I can live with my lover forever. (F)
- I didn't do housework very much. (M)
- Wife is clean up home because I'm comfortable. (M)
- I can go any party with my handsome husband. (F)
- We make new baby so, we carry on a family line. (M)
- I don't have to scared at night anymore. (F)
- If I have a married I'll be a convenient because my wife take good care of one's things so, I'll be comfortable because of wife. (M)

Marriage (Cons)
- You have to clean the house and cook. (F)
- It's needs a lot of money. (M)
- I can't play late night. (F)
- I can't meet other women. (M)
- Everyday you have to wake early. (F)
- Will get fat. (F)
- I must have much money for my sons and daughters. (F)
- Wife is yap at for being late or other reason. (M)
- Money will blow. (F)
- Wife is dig into private life. (M)
- I can't work anymore. (F)
- If your husband is not good, marriage life will be terrible. (F)
- I get a lots a stress. (F)
- Some men, and women yelling to their spouse, and also they hit their spouse too! (F)
- If you have your kid, compelled by society and home getting more harder and harder! (F)
- If I go to company maybe I have problem and I'll have a dining together so, I'll late to go home but my wife don't understand me so we have fight. (M)

Single (Pros)
- You can wake up when you want. (F)
- The house will be quiet. (F)
- I can play all night. (M)
- I can work always. (F)
- Freedom!! (M)
- Will meet many boys. (F)
- You are free! (F)

Single (Cons)
- It's a lot!!! (F)
- Usually house is dirty. (M)
- Alone and pity. (M)
- The life isn't stable. (F)
- I did housework many time. (M)

Right now, I'm torn on which is better. However, living in Korea and being single, my place is most definitely a mess! Cue the "All in the Family" theme song please. "Boy the way Glen Miller played..."

Seoul Train - Part II

The subway system in Seoul is something. The network spider-legs off in all directions with some stations receiving 3 different trains. Transferring at these stations is like Spadina station x 5. They have moving walkways to speed you and over 10 million Seoul residents along, but it's still an ordeal. The system itself is easy to follow. You just look at the map at the ticket booth and your destination will dictate what price you pay. The most I ever paid was 1,400 won ($1.60 Cdn).

The sad part is, I never got a seat.

Not once did I ever get a chance to sit down.. The subway was always full, so it was standing room only for me. But this gave me a great vantage point to view the TV monitor suspended from the ceiling. It would display commercials, but my favorite was the informative "What to do in case of..." spots.

They showed various situations in which most cases you should call 119 (Korea's version of 911). In one case, they show a strange looking bag sitting on the tracks. A man on the platform spots this and quickly calls 119 on his cell phone. Obviously, the spot expects EVERYONE to have a cell phone, and so does all of Korea. Not having a cell phone is preposterous. I didn't have a cell phone for my first two months here and the Korean people I met were puzzled by this. It seems owl letter carriers haven't caught on here like at Hogwarts.

Then, the doozy of all "What to do in case of..." spots came on.

The situation:
Everyone is sitting calmly inside the subway car when suddenly, a large leather-jacket wearing Korean (who resembled Sammo Hung) jumps up and starts shouting maniacally. In one hand he has a lighter ignited with a good amount of flame continuously gusting out; the other hand is wielding a non-labeled, 2 litre water bottle. We're to assume that this is no innocent water. Oh no. It's lighter fluid, I'm sure.

This was not a campfire smores moment. This Korean meant business.

But don't panic! The video was quite informative. It showed step-by-step what to do in case an obese, leather-jacket wearing Korean decides to have an indoor barbeque on a subway car.

What to do:
To diffuse the situation requires three people. Fortunately, the subway cars are always full, so three people - no problem. Person 1 (sitting behind the flaming assassins' right-hand) is to jump up, grab his lighter arm and extend it backwards, away from the bottle. Person 2 (sitting behind the flaming assassins' left-hand) is to jump up, grab his 2L lighter fluid bottle arm and extend it backwards, away from the lighter. Person 3 (anybody behind the flaming assassin) is to jump up and dial 119 on his cell phone.

The end.

All will end well if you (and two other noble citizens) follow the procedures above. The subdued flaming assassin's indoor cook-out will be completely quashed according to this video. What's scary is that the previous video spots showed possible, likely situations. So, what goes through my mind is this: Just how often does a chunky, flame toting Korean jump up in the train for a "What to do in case of..." video to be warranted??

The other thought I had was this: If both arms are extended backwards, couldn't the lighter and fluid still make contact behind his back?? After all, yoga is very popular in Korea, so maybe even an overweight assailant could connect the two behind his back, then *WHOOSH*.

Nonetheless, I'm ready to do my part. Courtesy of a very helpful video.

Seoul Train

I took a trip recently to Seoul via the KTX, Korea's bullet train. The first thing I noticed was how organized the whole system is. You buy your ticket and then feed it into a machine, just like a subway. So no conductor comes trotting down the aisle saying "Ticket please".

Smart.

Even smarter was that all the seats were assigned. This has always been my beef with VIA Rail back home. We're forced to stand in line for an hour and then mad-rush the train for the window seat. Here, you can show up 5 minutes before the train leaves and you'll be fine. Which I did.

The seats were ultra cushy too which made me wonder what first class was like. Once on our way, I noticed how ridiculously quiet it was in the car. People who spoke were talking in the most hushed whispers, moreso than a library. "You could hear a pin drop" is no longer just a saying, it was a reality. The TV monitor cracked into life and displayed short videos of the rules of the train. One of them was NO LOUD TALKING.

A-ha. Now I understand.

The TV monitor would also periodically display our train speed. I watched as the number climbed and climbed and climbed. At one point, it started rolling over into 290 km/h. The train was shaking like the Millennium Falcon going through an asteroid field. And still the number kept climbing, but slowly, into decimals.

297.3... 297.8...298.2....and so on.

At peak, it reached 301.9 km/h. Outside the window, it looked like a Salvador Dali painting. The trees blurred and the landscape melted like those old "In the Land of Dairy Queen" commercials with the fudge mountains and chocolate rivers cascading amongst the nougat rocks.

How crazy would it be to try peeing in the washroom at this speed - STANDING UP - I thought.

Once it dropped down to a semi-calm 270 km/h, the snack cart came. I decided to have a coffee to shake up my nerves some more. In Korea, I haven't learned the money language, so no matter what they say, I always hand over a 10,000 won bill (a little more than 10 bucks Cdn) and wait for my change. After getting my coffee, I gave my money and the change I got back was 3,000 won. That's it?!? 3,000 won change?!?

It was Train Robbery.

My train robber didn't wear a cowboy hat, red handkerchief or point a six-shooter at me. It was a beautiful Korean woman wearing a smart red-blazer and black skirt combination. The coffee cost me 7,000 won which is 8 dollars Canadian. Great Caesar's Ghost! Even Starbucks would freak at this price! To add insult to injury, the coffee cup was about the size of a medium at Tim Horton's. Wow. All I thought was, never again.

So the KTX arrived in Seoul 3 hours later and my wallet 8 dollars shorter.

Awesome.

I highly recommend being financially sodomized at nearly 300 km/h if you're ever in Korea.

Tell 'em Dan sent you.