The Not-So Amazing Spiderman

December 31st. New Year's Eve. A time of revelry and joy 'round the world.

Mine was no different here in Busan, South Korea.

That eve, myself and 5 other friends decided to celebrate in the middle of the city at a foreigner bar. My group consisted of 4 Canadians, 1 Korean local, and a Korean/Australian hybrid named "Kami".

Kami was born here in Busan, so he is indeed Korean, but he went to live and educate himself in Adelaide, Australia. There, he lived and studied for 7 years and just came back to Korea a few months ago because of National Service duty. Here, every Korean male is required to serve in the military for two years. Kami is back under obligation as a Korean citizen to fulfill his "duty", but because of some stressed joint or whatever in one of his arms, he instead works for Busan Transportation (aka the Subway here).

He's more than happy to have avoided the traditional army service and on weekends, hanging out with me, he raises a beer bottle with his "injured" arm with tremendous ease, showing no sign of pain. When I point this out and inquire as to what exactly his injury is, he turns, smiles and says "No worries mate."

Forever relaxed, that's Kami - my best friend in Korea.

So the group of us whooped it up listening to a foreigner band and then doing the New Years countdown, minus watching Dick Clark and the apple drop, which was a bonus.

Afterwards, we needed sustenance and decided to go to a restaurant called JUNCO.

JUNCO is Disneyland, Chuck-E-Cheese and Denny's all rolled into one. The staff acts zany, skipping and waving at you with double hands if they pass your table. Hokey, harmless fun. That was, until my friend Erin pointed at our other friend, Sarah, and said "It's her birthday today."

That was said at the beginning, when we first sat down at our booth. Erin's thinking was they may bring out a free cake or something.

We got something all right.

Dinner and alcoholic drinks proceeded for awhile... when suddenly, the restaurant was plunged into darkness. Every light went off. There were murmurings at the other booths and nobody could see anything in front of them. Everyone thought it was a power failure.

My concern turned to where my cocktail was in all this darkness.

Suddenly, a booming voice over a loudspeaker was uttering many Korean words in the dark, ending with "...Happy Birthday Sarah!!" A strobe light activated and the darkness was replaced with an intermittent blinding white light to the beat of Korean hip-hop music.

While everyone was trying to regain their eyesight amongst the lighting flashes, a girl (one of the staff) appeared at the end of our table holding a wolf-man mask over her head. Her hands were at her neck to keep the thing on while she hop-danced from side-to-side, keeping in step with the beat of the music.

From behind the wolf-man-girl (it had breasts, so I deduced that it was female), out jumped Spider-man. And I mean jumped. Spider-man, within seconds leaped up, and perched himself behind my friend's Jan, Kami and Erin on top of the tiny ledge that separated the booths.

Squatting, Spider-man proceeded to flail his arms up and down, keeping in beat with the music like the wolf-man-girl. In his frenetic movements, his one hand came up and hit one of the small stereo speakers suspended above our booth, causing it to come crashing down...on Kami.

This appeared in slow-but-fast-motion, courtesy of the strobe light effect.

The speaker grazed Kami on his right temple, which had him instantly clutching his head in agony, and continued to tumble under the table, finding a new home on the floor.

Strobe-light still flashing, music still grooving and the wolf-man-girl still gyrating, Spider-man shouted "Are you okay?" to Kami, while still squatting overhead. Kami didn't answer. Spider-man said this once more, than jumped down from his perch and ran away with the wolf-man-girl in hand, leaving the scene of the crime.

The lights were turned on and everyone was dumbfounded.

Looks turned to Kami. He was semi-unconscious. His face was pulled back in a grimace, his eyes squinting and slanted more than usual. All the while, all of us were in tears of laughter because the whole scene was so surreal. From the time the lights went off and then were back on, it was all but 90 seconds. My words make it seem longer, but I kid you not... the pace was so frenzied that when the lights were back on, we were all in tears of laughter and disbelief over what had just happened.

The only clue, a remnant to what just quickly took place, was Kami still clutching his head.

In between laughter, someone finally said "Did that REALLY just happen?" Almost as if in answer, a thin, Korean male waiter showed up at our table and asked Kami, "Are you alright?"

Kami didn't answer. He was still tending to his wound.

Again, the waiter asked softly, "Are you alright?"

My friend Erin turned to the waiter and calmly asked, "Are you Spider-man?"

"Yes" he said without hesitation, which caused us to erupt in laughter again having heard him give up his secret identity so easily. Well, all but Kami, who held one arm to his head, the other searching for his drink.

Spider-man, defeated, left our table alone.

When the laughter finally subsided, Kami looked up and quietly asked "What the #%^%!# just happened?"

The laughter continued.

J. Jonah Jameson, editor of The Daily Bugle, was right. Spider-man IS a menace.

The tale ends here. I hope everyone had a great New Year's!

From your friendly,
neighbourhood
Dan-man